Counting to Ten
Thomas Jefferson allegedly counseled: “When angry, count to ten before you speak.” Then added, with characteristic precision, “If very angry, count to one hundred.”
Timeless wisdom for our time-bound self. And it works, not because the counting accomplishes anything magical, but because it creates a gap. A pause between the stimulus and the response. That brief interval is where something transformative becomes possible.
Now let’s widen the aperture considerably.
Jefferson’s prescription addresses anger specifically. But what about every other moment of me-centeredness? The subtle defensiveness. The quiet calculation of personal advantage. The reflexive assessment of whether this situation, this person, this outcome serves my agenda.
We’re counting to ten for the obvious eruptions while remaining completely asleep to the chronic condition they represent.
Consider what’s actually happening beneath the surface of any reactive moment. The ego mind is running its standard subroutine: threat assessment, advantage calculation, identity protection. What’s in it for me? What does this mean for me? How does this affect me?
This is not villainous behavior. It’s simply the automatic program of a self convinced of its separateness.
But here’s what Jefferson’s counsel inadvertently points toward: there exists a responding from rather than reacting to. Not the suppressed version of our original reaction, dressed up in more socially acceptable language. Something qualitatively different.
When we step back past the me and its concerns we find ourselves in contact with a purpose far larger than personal agenda. A natural orientation toward what might actually serve the moment, rather than merely what serves the self.
A Course in Miracles captures this elegantly: “In my defenselessness my safety lies.” Dropping the armor of self-concern doesn’t leave us vulnerable, it returns us to something that was never actually threatened.
Perhaps the real practice isn’t counting to ten before speaking. It’s recognizing what we step into during those ten seconds.
Join me in Thursday’s class where we’ll explore what becomes available in that sacred gap and discover the profound freedom of responding from wholeness rather than reacting from separation. I look forward to seeing you then.